Why Do You Self Sabotage
So, why do we self-sabotage, and how do you break the cycle?”
Have you ever noticed yourself getting close to achieving a goal only to do something – usually stupid – that sets you back? This is called self-sabotage, and it’s more common than you might think. But why do we do it, even when we want success so badly? Well, there’s more than one explanation, but let’s look at a couple of common ones and discover how you can break free from this destructive cycle.”
Fear of Failure
Many people sabotage their success because they’re afraid of failing.
Your fear of failing often drives self-sabotage. It’s easier to give up on a goal than to risk the disappointment of not achieving it. This fear is often subconscious, leading to procrastination, avoidance, or quitting right before success is within reach.
Imagine setting a goal to run a marathon. You train for months, but as race day approaches, you skip workouts and eat poorly. Deep down, the fear of not finishing the race might drive this self-sabotage, making failure inevitable.
Fear of Success
It might seem counterintuitive, but the fear of success is another major cause of self-sabotage.
Success can bring about changes, expectations, or responsibilities that may not be ready to face. Subconsciously, they may sabotage their progress because the idea of success is scarier than staying in their comfort zone.
You may want to grow your business, but when you see success, you start slacking on marketing or missing deadlines. The idea of managing more clients or higher expectations might be overwhelming, so you sabotage your growth to stay where it feels safe.
I’ve also seen this in my hypnosis practice. We often discover that someone about to be promoted will moon the boss at the Christmas party or something equally bizarre. When we probe deeper, we discover the person in question put their father on a pedestal. Dad may have only ever made forty grand a year, so when the promotion means earning more than their father, they do something to screw it up.
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
People who struggle with low self-esteem or self-worth often believe they don’t deserve success.
If someone feels unworthy of happiness, success, or love, they will unconsciously act in ways that prevent them from achieving those things. This is rooted in limiting beliefs about their value and capabilities.
A person in a relationship might constantly pick fights or push their partner away, not because they want to, but because they subconsciously believe they aren’t deserving of love and affection.
Subconscious Programming and Limiting Beliefs
Self-sabotage is often driven by subconscious beliefs about what’s possible or deserved.
Limiting beliefs, like “I’m not good enough” or “Success is too hard,” live deep in the subconscious. Even if you consciously want success, your subconscious mind may be working against you, sabotaging your progress without you even realizing it.
You might set a goal to advance in your career, but if you’ve been programmed to believe that success is only for ‘other people,’ you may avoid applying for promotions or networking with influential people.
Fear of Change and the Unknown
Change, even positive change, can be terrifying because it introduces uncertainty.
Never forget that you’re hardwired to seek comfort and predictability. Even if someone is unhappy in their current situation, the fear of the unknown may cause them to self-sabotage, as staying where things are familiar feels safer.
For example, you may want to lose weight, but the idea of changing your identity or routine feels overwhelming. Subconsciously, you may start skipping workouts or eating junk food to stay in your comfort zone.”
Lack of Clear Goals or Plans
Without clear goals and a structured plan, people often drift into self-sabotage because they don’t have a clear direction.
When goals are vague or lack actionable steps, it’s easy to get distracted or discouraged. Self-sabotage can result from procrastination, distractions, or abandoning the goal altogether.
If you have a vague goal like “get healthier,” it’s hard to stay motivated because there’s no clear plan. This lack of clarity leads to self-sabotaging behaviors like skipping the gym or eating junk food because you don’t have concrete steps to follow.”
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is another sneaky cause of self-sabotage, as people may give up entirely when they can’t achieve perfection.
Perfectionists often set unrealistic expectations for themselves, and when they fall short, they sabotage their progress by quitting or avoiding tasks altogether. The fear of not doing something perfectly can cause paralysis.
You might want to write a book, but you get stuck on perfecting each sentence instead of making steady progress. The frustration of not meeting your own high standards leads you to abandon the project entirely. Alternatively, you put it off forever because if it doesn’t win accolades when published, it means facing the fact you’re not perfect.
Stress and Emotional Overwhelm
High-stress levels can trigger self-sabotaging behaviors as a coping mechanism.
When stress becomes overwhelming, some people revert to unhealthy coping strategies like procrastination, binge eating, or substance abuse. These behaviors temporarily relieve stress but ultimately sabotage long-term success.
If work stress is overwhelming, you might find yourself avoiding essential tasks or turning to unhealthy habits like overeating or binge-watching TV as a form of escape, ultimately derailing your progress toward professional success.
How to Break Free from Self-Sabotage
The self-gurus usually say, just stop doing that without showing you how.
I won’t get into it here but understand it’s not as simple as saying no. The steps to break free are tough. You’re going up against a lifetime of conditioning and negative beliefs that are programmed into you.
You’re going to need help to identify the triggers. This is the sort of thing a good coach can help with.
Once you’ve done that, you’ll have to tackle the limiting beliefs or reasons why you’re self-sabotaging. Your coach might help you reframe your limiting beliefs by using hypnosis or other skills they’re trained in, like NLP.
Conclusion
Just remember, self-sabotage doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding the root causes and using tools like hypnosis, coaching, and goal-setting strategies, you can break free from the patterns holding you back. If you’re ready to stop self-sabotaging and start thriving, let’s talk.